To stay in touch please sign up for our email Newsletter
Follow Us
Blog
Amazing Grace
For the last 3 weeks I have been stuck singing Amazing Grace. When I am at home, in the community, driving before I know it I am singing Amazing Grace. Now to be truly honest, I don't particularly like the song (sorry to all those who do!) yet before I know it I am singing it! Finally this morning I decided it was time to ask God "what is with Amazing Grace?" And as I said that I saw a picture of a boat full of slaves: captive, powerless and full of fear. These people were obviously slaves and when we see something out of the ordinary for us - it creates a new memory in our brain and means we are more likely to do something with it. And as I saw this site then I saw the majority of people around the slaves - it was like slaves couldn't be more normal. It was like slaves have and will always be there. I wonder how many people because it was so familiar had nothing more than a thought of "there's a slave". I wonder what they believed that made it all ok, made so many do nothing about it. That it was so normal there is no different.
And as I saw this ship - the people and ship faded away and I could see the present day - so many slaves. People lost in hurt, rejection, failure, people without identitifes and I heard Jesus say to me - "you have familiarised them" you walk past them and think "there's another hurt person" I have got so used to seeing them that I can say "it's there choice, it's our culture, they are happy, it could be worse" and in the process I have just added another chain to them. Jesus said to me, this is what you are here to do, you are here to free them. He said it's time to end slavery in our country. And what is the basis of slavery - it's fear! And what undoes the chains of fear? Only love! Let's transform our country with love! Let's live where sacrifice comes from passion, where action comes from intimacy, where words come from our authority as sons and daughters!
I know now why I am singing Amazing Grace - it's God saying let's see slavery end. Let's see the captive set free. And the amazing thing is He has already paid the price, He can do the impossible, He loves to heal and set free and He has made be to carry this!
Printer-friendly version
Send to friendA paradox of a week
This is not my normal type of blog - but as I was journalling this morning I felt God wanted me to share this part of my journey with you. My prayer is that you too can experience greater levels of His unmerited favour and rest in your lives and learn to live as a prodical child at home!
This week is Paul's fist week not working full time - he has given up some hours so we can focus on what God is calling us to here in Christchurch and in Uganda. I had a dream that this first week was going to be this incredibly anointed week, where salvation, healing and freedom would flow as we had obediently followed God and taken this faith step. Instead though I have had this horrible sense of unease, I have lived and partnered with anxiety about who I am and where I am. It's been quite ugly and shown me that there are areas in my life that I believe lies. This has made the last few days challenging for everyone who matters to me. It's funny but not once this week had I stopped enough to ask God where He was, who He wanted to be and what was on His heart! So the last 2 days at our house have been difficult - this morning however I decided to stop and ask God. I realised what was on His heart was relationships! The thing I fell like I have pulled away from - there's been no joy, no laughter - just tasks and isolation.
Father I come back to you now - I want to walk afresh in relationship with you and others. I lay aside agendas, disappointment and I lean into you. Learning to live in rest! A prodical AT HOME. No performance, no sales targets just a child at home! Firstly loved by my incredibly good and kind Father! Lord if I don't see one more healing or salvation - it doesn't change who you are, who I am and where I reside! My part is to be loved and to give love! I can do that! Love the person in front of me! I am going to be a prodical at Home! Living in rest and unmerited favour! It's a good place to be at home!
Pondering Family
I love how God organises conversations and situations that force you to grow in revelation and over this last week I have again been faced with trying to put some words to family. I feel like the position God has us in at the moment is all based in and on family but I know the understanding of family is only just beginning so I hope as I write this blog my understanding will again grow. For me the thing of where we stand that has blown my mind is that by living as family I feel God has given us a new authority and anointing (this began for me as a vision I had last year in Uganda about living as family and seeing God's Presence Manifest as we lived together). As this has become clear, it has made me wonder - is family Heaven's Government? Is family the Kingdom? Does the story of the prodical son show us the different responses we can have to family and therefore ultimately the Kingdom and Heaven's Government? For me over the last year I have had to change so many lies I held to do with Family. Starting with releasing that if I don't lay my life down then I can never find it - which is so opposite than what the world tells us. Our society today says, you need to make something of yourself, you need to be someone. It's all about YOU.
When I consider the story of the prodical son, I am challenged to consider my life, and the responses to family, Heaven's Government and ultimately the Kingdom that you can see in this story. Firstly there is a whole inheritance in this story. For the prodical son, he thought you could only access this inheritance one way - by demanding what was his. But it makes me wonder what could of the son done if he knew this was all his already and if he connected with His father what could of come out of it! That is so much better than having to go to isolation and then have all these revelations that led him home. There was something absolutely beautiful in the coming home (this is salvation). It's not a prayer, it's a revelation, experience and encounter that sees a heart connect with their Father, their Maker and the seed of God in them coming to life! Then there is the elder brother - how sad! He had everything yet nothing. He thought his relationship was based on performance, he lived as an orphan and didn't know his fathers heart. In my own life I lived many years as an orphan - never knowing if who I was was good enough for God and others, thinking one day soon people will realise who I am and reject me - its a horrible place to be but I know through my own testimony that there is healing and there is hope you can step into and COME HOME! Man home is amazing, it's restful, it's abudance, it's dreaming, it's full of love and grace. COMING HOME is a heart that is at home. I remember one year after coming back from Uganda and stepping into Paul's arms and hugging my kids - my heart started to beat again - it was so beautiful! So maybe this is what family is about. It simply is a heart that is at home! This is my heart for my city, nation and the nations, that each person can experience their heart at home! It's a good place! And at home you get to build relationships with others in this family who together you get to create and be something so beyond yourself. I realised over this week who I am is so connected with so many beautiful people in my life and what excites me more about how I live now is the world doesn't see just Karina, it sees God - His life and goodness, it sees Paul, Jacqui, Rory, Margaret, Julius, Tony through me and I know the world gets to experience a Heart that is at Home that leaves them wondering!
Love and Fear: Passion verses Anxiety
Over this past few weeks - I have had the priviledge of many interactions with a diverse group of people- of course there is my husband, children, the cricket team I am coaching, school parents as I have been parent help, those I have been able to pray with, those I have taught, those whose brief encounters in shops, malls, parks have left me wondering - what really is the difference between passion and anxiety?
Every word, every action, every thought begins from only two sources (these sources are very simple and are the motivators in our interaction). Love is one source, fear is the other source. Fear comes from not knowing who we are and ultimately not knowing what we are to do. Love comes from knowing who we are, the power we carry; it is the outflow of being in family and promoting relationships even when we don't know the outcome.
What I have found incredible as I have watched people is that they can be engaging in the exact same thing but motivated from a different source. Let's say I can't sleep at night because I know people living on the street. I decide that I can do something about that and so I set off to provide homes for those on the street. Can you tell at this stage if I am motivated by love or fear? No you can't. If I start this work and someone comes to join me but we don't agree and disagreement means we can't have relationship - does this give an indication? Yes, if I can't promote love, then my motivation can't be love. If love is conditional then it isn't love - it's managed anxiety that rears it's head when there is conflict and disagreement. If it has to be my plan or no plan; if I am right and you are wrong; if I need to be in control; if life is ok only when things are working out - these all indicate what we do is based in fear.
The bible says that perfect love (or mature love) casts out all fear. This means as we grow in who we are, as we discover how infinitely we are loved and what we are called to do - fear cannot be there. And if fear cannot be there then all we do is solidly grounded in love! And what happens in love? We release others into freedom!
So what is the difference between passion and anxiety? Passion is rooted in love - anxiety is rooted in fear. They can look the same (because they are the same brain state) and many people mistake them for the same. Comments like "I am so passionate to see this happen that..." could just as easily be "I am so anxious to see this happen that...." The difference can be seen in our relationships. The ability to lay it all aside, to embrace the one in front of us and to embrace the difference - this is love. If our relationships are conditional on you changing then that is anxiety. Anxiety always has an agenda of control. Love always has an agenda of love - regardless of looks, class, culture. Love is motivated by love! Not deserved but because I carry love that is what you get to experience!
Family, Family, Family
God has over and over agin been speaking to me about Family. I know there is much still for me to learn about family but I felt as I wrote this blog God would show me more. The concept of family has alwas been a part of my life - it's how we have lived but I really couldn't put words to it. What I did realise early on after Home of Hope started, that what God was birthing with Tent Peg Missions was different when someone asked me "who takes the disabled kids off your hands when they are no longer kids?" My response was "what? These are my kids, I hope one days they will grow beyond me and as they do I will celebrate and cheer them on and my prayer is they will give to their kids!" This is legacy! This is inheritance and it is a key in God's Kingdom. When we live in family, we begin with our inheritance - we don't need to work for it (like sowing and reaping); it comes with our family name. When we come into God's family we take on a new geneology (a family line) where all things really are possible! It means we each can live in the Presence, Power and Authority God designed us to - not because we are amazing but because of what those before us worked for and gave to us. This creates a Kingdom Momentum that we can all be part of. It paves the way for us to go to new levels; to grow what has been given to us and to birth new dreams for generations to come. Dreams are birthed in family as people know who they are and their purpose. Even in the world, you can't have a baby without another person; I believe it is the same with God's dreams - they are birthed in relationship. Family is the foundation of Tent Peg Missions, it's the foundation we stand on and build for generations that are still to come. Relationship (with God and family) are the heartbeat of Tent Peg Missions. In family being in relationship matters more than who is right or wrong. In family we learn who we are. In family we can walk in our inheritance through honour. In family we realise we are part of something so much bigger than me and my days on this earth. What a priviledge it is to be in family.
xxx Karina
KNOWING WHO I AM
There is nothing like a natural disaster to make you examine what you believe to be true. It is often in these times, you come to realise things you believe you didn't even know you believed! You get to see yourself up close and personal! And it has been out of this time that I write this blog. I write it in a season where my city is in chaos! A season where the earth took lives and tried to rob hope! What I know to be true is that God has no part in causing chaos, loss and hurt - it isn't in His nature!! What I am coming to learn more though is who God calls me in this season! I believe God talks about the end times to paint a picture for us about the world He is sending us into (I struggle that people celebrate disasters as a sign of Jesus coming back! - He isn't coming back to rescue us! He is coming back for a bride!) God tells us earthquakes and famines will happen! It is the earth groaning waiting for the true sons of God to be revealed! This is the world, God has commissioned us to change. We are to be world-changers! We are called to speak peace in the storm! We are called to speak hope to the hopeless, healing to the hurt and freedom to the captive! God has given authority to me! And my daily question is how are God and I going to influence this world together? I wake with an excitement, with great hope because I know some of the nature of God - His nature is kind and loving, full of hope and I refuse to partner with anything the world throws at me that yells something different!
My prayer for each of you is that you to can come into the truth of who God says we are! Be blessed! Karina
TRUE LOVE
As 2010 draws to an end, I wanted to end the year as a testimony to the amazing Love and Power that belongs to God! Before 2010, I thought that if I showed enough love and empathy in a situation, that the situation would change and on ocassions there has been change. But what I have come to realise is that true love IS CHANGE, it doesn't just bring change. It is because LOVE IS GOD, and God has a solution. So simply we just need to release Him!
In 2010 we have seen some amazing healings, a hole in the heart of an 18 month old completely healed, a mans leg grow 3-4 inches so it is the same length as his other, people healed at a health clinic and a church and we have seen many set free from hurts and demons. And although this change excites me so much, it isn't the source of our life. The source of our life is the time we have with God, the time of soaking in His incredible love, of getting revelation as we bask in His Glory and just entering His Throne with no agenda, but just complete surrender. And it's out of this that life itself flows. It's out of revelation of how incredibly Good, Kind and Loving God is that we will release more of Him wherever we go!
Over this year I have made some statements of intent of how I will live. And as we look to 2011 I thought it would be good to include some here as prophetic words of our response to circumstances in 2011.
- I have determined that I will be a person who firstly lets God love me, secondly be a lover of God and thirdly give away all He gives me.
- I have determined that I will be a person who ponders all the good things God does (our brain is wired to remember negative far more strongly than positive).
- I have determined that I was born for such a time as this, to bring Heaven to Earth and to show the Kingdom of God is near.
- I have determined that I will not be a person who works for God but rather we WORK WITH GOD and this brings constant rest, restoration, grace and peace.
- I have determined that whatever stands before me, I will approach it with Heaven, confident in MY GOD!
- I have determined that what I overcome today is a victory for a generation still to come and the result of battles won by those gone before me and because of this I will stand and fight.
My prayer for each of you, is that God gives you a fresh touch of His love and power in 2011. Be Blessed!
Karina xxx
STUCK ON LOVE
I think when we began this work we thought that after a period of time, our knowledge and skills would have developed to a point that we could share more of this with others. And if I think hard our knowledge and skills have increased, but it's funny how overtime this level of analysis gives way to something much greater but much simplier. After I left Home of Hope this year - it's not the new things the children have done that stick in my head (even though these are great!) What undoes me everytime is love. My greatest memory of Home of Hope was on my last day when I walked into the children's bedroom and Maureen yelled her version of my name, her face was one great big smile and it made me realise this is simply where it is at! It's connections, it's the rewards we get from being with others. It's living in the love God has for us, giving this away and letting others love us. Being together - there is nothing greater! Even as I write this blog, tears still well up in my eyes when I remember how Christine (a formerly abducted child soldier) organised 100 children to sing our van into the church. This is the girl who was terrified of me last year, who looked so dead inside herself, the girl I even doubted we would see change in. There is something amazing that happens though when we love someone enough to speak to their destiny and create hope in them. Believe in them and see how that seed can grow into something beautiful. Love is so powerful yet so simple!
CHANGE
The Healing Home - Home of Hope
Sometimes when change is thrown our way it is so easy to try and fight it. To try and keep everything the same because that is what is safe.
I had a response just like this when I found out Home of Hope was being moved on from the current house. Disability is not well understood in Uganda and many see the children as cursed and so don't want them in their houses and so we have had to move several times since we have been operating. And so out of the blue I get an email - we need a new house in 3 weeks. My initial response was annoyance and my prayer was "God why can't we just stay where we are; why can't you just get the landlord to change her mind?". Two mornings later I was worshipping God and singing about His goodness and I suddenly felt convicted - what if this move is good? This initial thought became a declaration "God you are a good God in a good mood and I thank you for the better You have".
Four hours later I got an email explaining the better God had for us - THREE FLUSH TOILETS, A REAL BATH, A REAL SHOWER AND A GUEST HOUSE. And to think I could have missed it all because I was scared of change!
What we see
I had such good intentions of updating my blog at least every two weeks but unfortunately 2 weeks has become 2 months. Over the Christmas period we went because I felt strongly that I wanted to just be with God. He hear from Him for the coming year and reflect on the year that has been. It was so great to just "be still".
This week was such an exciting week for us - one of our children who died was raised back to life. She was taken to a hospital, pronounced dead and then our staff lay hands on her and she began to breath again! Praise God! The question I felt God ask me in all of this is what would I have seen? I have come to realise that two people in the same place, seeing the same things can see it so differently! The nurse saw a body needing buried - our staff saw a need that God could do something about and therefore acted so differently than the nurse.
In any situation we face, we can all see it so differently but I wonder what would happen if we as believers in Jesus stood on Who He is and what he intends to do; knowing without doubt that God is a Good God and nothing is impossible for Him? I wonder what would happen if we began to share more stories like Fatiya's incredible healing? If we begin to see true faith rise - how much more will we see!!
Miracles certainly change how we see things, in fact I believe they give us the foundation to face the next impossible challenge! I believe as we begin to share the testimonies of God's power we are going to see faith rise and as faith rises who knows what we will see God do through each of us! I have determined this year to be a year where I share what God has done and I hope each of you will join me in that!
